Obviously, the person who came up with the phrase "The freaks come out at night" has probably never been to Walmart during the day...
I don't understand this. When my friends come over to my house and they're like "Hey, do you have a bathroom?"
And I think to myself, "Of course we don't, we sh*t outside..."
Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you.
Dear 4th Grader,
On Facebook, your relationship status is "It's complicated". What he do? Steal your animal crackers?
Sincerely,
Your Mother.
When a girl keeps going back to a guy who treats her bad, it's not because she's dumb, it's because she's not ready to give up hope, Hope that maybe someday he'll change
I ordered a pizza the other day, when she said the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?"
I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."
The top 10 things messed up with the show Spongebob:
1.How is Pearl Mr.Crabs daughter??
2.Why doesn't Squidward wear pants??
3.How do they flush the toilet under water?
4.How can they see plankton??
5.How can Sandy communicate with fish??
6.How is there a Goo lagoon under water???
7.Why do they take showers???
8.How come Gary meows??
9.How did Sandy build her dome??
10.How can there be boats under water?
Like this if you ever asked yourself any of these questions :)
if I had gun with only 2 bullets and was alone in a room with saddam huissene, osama bin laden and justin bieber I would shoot justin bieber..... twice
The show "Power Puff Girls" was all right. But the thing I don't get is why some freaky dude was trying to create little girls in his basement...
daughter : '' hey mum me and my boyfriend are just going to my room. ''
mum : '' ok dont do anything stupid ''
* mum hears her daughter screaming ''BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH'' !! *
* mum rushes up stairs *
mum : ''what are you doing !!?!??!!''
daughter : ''get out mum we are having sex !!.''
mum : ''ohhh thank god, i thought you were listening to justin bieber.''
That Awkward moment when your sitting in a toilet cubical minding your own business and BAM! a unicorn bursts in and trys to sell you weed.
If strippers are now called exotic dancers...
Then all drug dealers should be referred to as exotic pharmacists.
I hate when I'm in my own world, staring at absolutely nothing, and then all of a sudden I realise that I have been staring at some other person for the past ten minutes...
Teacher: John, why are you so late ?
John: I was throwing stones into the river.
Teacher:Okaay, well take your seat.
Teacher:Bob, why are you also late ?
Bob: i was also throwing stones into the river.
Teacher: gr, well, sit down.
New Boy walks in ;
Teacher: oh so you're our new student. whats your name? and why are you all wet?
New boy: My name is Stones.
Teacher: oh..
LIKE IF YOU GET IT.
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland and the exit sign reads: DISNEYLAND LEFT. They started crying and headed home.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Boy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: Omg, YES!
Girl: Can you please take me home?
Boy: Why, you didn't change your mind, did you?
Girl, No, I just wanna change my relationship status to In a Relationship on Facebook.
Boy: o.O
When I see an argument on Facebook, I sit there refreshing the page while thinking to myself "THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD"
Wow. You guys are so cool for taking a profile picture. Of yourself. In a mirror. In your bathroom. With a toilet as your background. Nice. XD
I want to be buried in a spring loaded casket with loads of confetti.
Why?
Because then in the future, some archaeologist is going to have one awesome day at work...
Not all guys want sex, because some of us want a relationship. Not all guys like Black Ops, because loving you is more fun. Not all men will hurt you, because some men are decent people. Not all men will abuse you, because some men like to see you smile. However, all those guys are gay.
Getting in to bed,
Favourite pillow *Check*
One leg out of covers *Check*
Phone? *Feels Around*
Kick cover to try and find phone *Phone flies in to the wall and the battery falls out...*
I hate when on MTV Cribs kids say "...and this is my 103 inch plasma TV." Im like, "No, that's your parents 103 inch plasma TV. All you did was fall out of the right v*gina...
Ever notice that in The Wizard of Oz, The Scarecrow, The Tinman, The Lion, and The Wizard were all men;~~~ no brains, no heart, no courage and a liar?
Just imagine, if you suddenly woke up and your life had been a dream, and you are actually a completely different person than in your dream and you are living in a completely different world.
You get home from school. In the front living room, there is a box with the word "Fragile" on it. This could only mean one thing... There is bubble wrap inside!!!
To all the single girls out there asking where the decent guys are : We're here......... In the friend zone........ Right where you left us...
Dear Boys,
If you want me to disappear, you are going to have to support her more than what I do...
Sincerely,
Her Bra
Pokemon: Because the concept of going around and beating wild creatures unconscious then enslaving them so they can fight just for your amusement is such a good thing to teach children,
Protect her, fight for her, kiss her, love her, hold her, laugh with her. But don't make her fall, if you don't plan to catch her.
That "F*CK YOU, YOU MOTHER F*CKING PIECE OF SH*T, WHO F*CKING PUT THAT THERE ANYWAY!" moment when you stub you toe...